Why does he keep coming back if he doesn’t love me? 17 reasons and what to do about it

We typically embody merchandise we expect are helpful for our readers. Should you purchase by way of hyperlinks on this web page, we might earn a small fee. Learn our affiliate disclosure.


You’re attempting to recover from him. You’re attempting to maneuver on. However each time you stumble upon him, he pretends he’s been occupied with you for the final week when you understand he hasn’t.

He needs one thing from you…what may or not it’s?

Hey, you’re not alone. I’ve talked to numerous girls who’ve handled this actual scenario. If he’s coming again, then he will need to have emotions for you, proper? You’re not loopy and it simply takes slightly perception into the male mind to grasp why this occurs.

When a person breaks it off, you may guess that there aren’t any emotions left. He’s given up on the connection, however wait! Regardless that his acutely aware thoughts has moved on, his unconscious hasn’t found out what occurred but.

On this put up, we’ll discover 17 the explanation why males come again to girls they don’t love.

We’ll additionally study what you need to do in case you are on this scenario.

Let’s get began!

1) He’s unsure, he’s confused.

Many males come again to girls they don’t love as a result of they’re confused. They don’t perceive why they nonetheless really feel one thing for her.

They really feel like that is the proper alternative and that you really want them again. Should you ask him what he thinks about you and the connection he’ll say issues like: “You’re so stunning, candy, clever, proficient and I actually get pleasure from being with you.” He might even say issues like: “I’m nonetheless in love with you.”

You’ll typically get the sensation that he doesn’t really love you. Nevertheless, he would by no means admit his emotions will not be real.

He retains coming again as a result of he doesn’t perceive what’s occurring in his head. He doesn’t know why he’s nonetheless interested in you. You look and act the identical because the final time he left you, however for some motive, he can’t let his emotions go.

What ought to I do?

If that is occurring to you, then what you could do is assist him do away with that confusion.

Assist him perceive why he feels an attraction to you.

You are able to do this by asking questions that may make him take into consideration the scenario and his emotions. You need to watch out although, you don’t need him to know what you might be doing. Your aim is to get him occupied with his emotions, not yours.

Don’t attempt to be pals with him. There’s an opportunity that he’ll get confused in the event you hang around as pals, after which resolve he needs to be with you.

Additionally, it’s greatest in the event you don’t make investments your time in males who don’t love you. If he doesn’t love you then there isn’t a motive for him to be in your life.

If he doesn’t love you and he comes again, it’s only a matter of time earlier than he’ll depart you for the following woman. Then you definitely’ll be heartbroken once more.

2) He’s in search of one thing else in you.

He comes again to you as a result of he sees one thing in you that he’s in search of, however now he doesn’t know what that’s. Usually what he’s in search of is that feeling he had the primary time you have been collectively.

Perhaps it was a really highly effective bodily attraction. Perhaps it was the thrill of being with one other girl. Or possibly it was simply the chemistry you two had.

He has an thought of what he needs, however now he doesn’t know methods to get it. He thinks that in the event you have been collectively once more, then someway issues would magically work out.

What ought to I do?

If that is what he’s attempting to do, you then simply want to assist him. Don’t give him false hope although!

Inform him that possibly you may assist him resolve the issue. You’ll be able to say issues like: “If you’d like that feeling once more then we have to make some modifications.” The issue is that there are most likely some issues concerning the relationship that he doesn’t like anymore.

He thinks this stuff occurred later within the relationship, however they might have been there from the start. He wants to take a look at the connection and discover out what’s working, and what isn’t.

Inform him that he must be trustworthy with you. If he actually needs these emotions once more, then he’ll want to take a look at why they existed prior to now. He has to consider what’s completely different now, and what he can do to create the identical attraction once more.

You need to information him when he begins feeling confused or uncertain, in any other case, it could possibly trigger numerous injury. He might find yourself blaming you for why issues will not be working. You need to inform him it’s not your fault, and that he must take duty for his emotions.

You’ll be able to then assist him notice that he’s coping with an issue earlier than it will get worse. You can provide him some recommendation on methods to get his emotions again, inform him what must be accomplished, and methods to do it. You may also assist him see the distinction between what he feels for you, and what he actually needs.

3) He’s testing you.

He retains coming again as a result of he’s testing you. Perhaps he’s in search of one thing, however he doesn’t truly know what it’s. Perhaps he needs to know in the event you can dwell as much as his expectations.

Perhaps he believes that in the event you have been collectively once more then issues would robotically be higher. Nevertheless, you’re not in a relationship and it’s not even near understanding, so now he doesn’t know what to do.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, you then simply have to make him conscious of that truth. You’ll be able to say issues like: “I don’t know what you’re in search of, however I’m not the particular person to provide it to you. I’m not into difficult relationships so I keep away from them in any respect price.”

You may also ask questions on why he needs to be with you once more, or what he thinks concerning the future. You’ll be able to ask about what he hopes to get from the connection.

If he’s conscious of what he needs, then it could stop him from ever coming again. He’ll have to take a look at his expectations about relationships and ask himself why he’s anticipating issues to occur.

Males like this can typically say: “I simply wish to see what occurs if we get again collectively.” They could say: “I can’t assist occupied with you. I do know it’s not good for me, however I simply can’t cease.” Or one thing like: “I do know it’s not a very good time for you, however I actually wish to give this relationship one other attempt.”

They are going to typically attempt to change issues about you and the connection so it’s higher for them. They consider that in the event you do one thing that they like, then the connection will work out.

You need to inform them why this gained’t occur. You need to inform him that you just gained’t change for anybody. You even have to inform him that regardless that he likes sure issues about you, he’s not interested in you anymore. And if there’s no attraction then there gained’t be a relationship.

4) He’s attempting to make you jealous (“I’m seeing another person”).

He retains coming again as a result of he thinks that if he has a girlfriend, then he’ll have the ability to let you know about her. He thinks that when you have this different particular person, you then gained’t need him anymore. To him, it is a means of controlling girls, so they may all the time stick with him due to jealousy.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you must be trustworthy. Inform him that you just gained’t tolerate him treating you this fashion once more. Inform him that if he needs to proceed the connection, then it must be in your phrases. You don’t need a man who will use girls like this.

However that raises the query:

Why does love so typically begin out nice, solely to change into a nightmare?

And methods to cope with an ex who retains coming again regardless that he doesn’t love you?

The reply is contained within the relationship you’ve with your self.

I discovered about this from the famend shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see by way of the lies we inform ourselves about love and change into really empowered.

As Rudá explains on this mind-blowing free video, love shouldn’t be what many people assume it’s. Actually, many people are literally self-sabotaging our love lives with out realizing it!

We have to face the info about an ex that retains coming again regardless that they don’t love us.

Far too typically we chase an idealized picture of somebody and construct up expectations which might be assured to be let down.

Far too typically we fall into codependent roles of savior and sufferer to attempt to “repair” our associate, solely to finish up in a depressing, bitter routine.

Far too typically, we’re on shaky floor with personal selves and this carries over into poisonous relationships that change into hell on earth.

Rudá’s teachings confirmed me an entire new perspective.

Whereas watching, I felt like somebody understood my struggles to search out love for the primary time – and eventually supplied an precise, sensible resolution to a relationship with an ex who retains coming again.

Should you’re accomplished with unsatisfying courting, empty hookups, irritating relationships and having your hopes dashed time and again, then it is a message you could hear.

Click on right here to look at the free video.

5) He doesn’t wish to be alone (or away from you).

Have you ever seen? He retains coming again as a result of he needs to stick with you. However this isn’t the true motive he’s again. He actually doesn’t wish to half methods with you as a result of he’s afraid of being alone. He’s afraid that if he leaves, then his life might be empty with out you there.

It could be straightforward for him emotionally to be away from you, however in actuality, it’s not. He’s nonetheless in ache, and he must discover ways to cope with it. He must discover a solution to steadiness out the ache in order that his life will be completely happy once more.

What ought to I do?

⌄ Scroll all the way down to proceed studying the article ⌄


Affected by Empty and Draining Relationships?

The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the three most vital elements to wholesome and loving relationships (and to expertise them proper now).

Watch the free video now


⌄ Scroll all the way down to proceed studying the article ⌄

It gained’t work in the event you simply ignore what he’s going by way of. You need to be delicate to his wants. If he has an issue then he’s going to let you know about it, so you must hear.

He might not be able to cope with this case, so there could also be instances when you could give him area from you. You’ll be able to say issues like: “I perceive that is laborious for you proper now, I might be right here whenever you’re prepared.”

When he ultimately opens as much as you, attempt to hear actively. Don’t get upset if he says one thing that hurts you. If it does, then inform him that you just’re damage and clarify why.

Nevertheless, don’t make it private as a result of it’s not about you. It’s not about him both, it’s concerning the scenario that he’s coping with in his life. His emotions are part of this drawback however they’re not the primary motive for his actions.

6) He needs to get away from his issues.

He retains coming again as a result of he doesn’t wish to cope with his issues. Males like this may be very manipulative individuals who wish to ignore the ache of their lives. They’re simply not keen to simply accept it or cope with it, in order that they attempt to hold it away from others.

They are going to keep away from or attempt to keep away from any issues which might be of their lives. They’ll make it appear to be they’re fantastic, regardless that deep down they really feel depressing.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you must discover a solution to make him face his issues. He’ll need to discover ways to cope with them in order that he can dwell a happier life.

He might not be able to cope with his issues, so you could have to provide him area. Kindly, remind him that if he must be completely happy, he must face his points.

7) He’s in search of somebody who will make him really feel higher.

He retains coming again as a result of he’s simply not capable of get the emotional connection that he wants. He can’t discover another person, who can perceive him and provides him what he needs. So now he’s looking for it in you.

He’s hoping that in the event you obtained again collectively, then the whole lot can be straightforward and his life would out of the blue be higher. He makes use of you to distract himself from his issues.

What ought to I do?

There’s nothing unhealthy about being variety and serving to him. However you could just be sure you set boundaries with him. Should you don’t, then he’ll hold benefiting from your kindness.

Inform him that whilst you will be there for him, you’re not going to be his resolution. He must face his issues and cope with them on his personal. This fashion he’ll be taught to be higher and stronger.

8) He’s benefiting from you.

Don’t let the emotions blind you. He retains coming again as a result of he is aware of that you’ve got emotions for him. Perhaps he doesn’t know that you just love him, however he is aware of there’s a connection. And possibly he’s even tried to make use of this to his benefit.

Perhaps he thinks that if a woman actually likes him, then she gained’t care about his faults. He’ll assume that she’ll overlook the truth that he doesn’t wish to be together with her anymore. So now you’re caught with an emotionally abusive man who performs video games along with your emotions.

What ought to I do?

Should you inform him that you’ll depart him if he doesn’t deal with you higher, then he’ll cease. Males like this are extra interested in a girl who does what she’s instructed and doesn’t say no.

They consider that in the event you love them, then they will do something and the whole lot they need as a result of they know that you just gained’t depart them. This is likely one of the largest errors girls make in the case of emotionally abusive relationships.

Inform him that whether or not you proceed or not will depend on how he behaves.

9) He’s chasing after one thing that doesn’t exist anymore.

He retains coming again as a result of he doesn’t wish to let go of the connection that you just used to have collectively. When he was with you earlier than, then the whole lot was nice. He cherished you, he had enjoyable with you, and he loved your organization.

However now all of that’s gone. The sentiments have pale, the feelings have modified, and the love that now stands between you looks like a distant reminiscence. He’s holding onto all of these outdated recollections of the previous when the whole lot appeared excellent to maintain from transferring on in his life.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then it’s not your drawback. He has to let go and transfer on. He’s holding onto the previous and that’s making him miss out on the current. He must face actuality and settle for that issues have modified.

What you are able to do is to point out him how your relationship isn’t working anymore or the way you’ve modified since your relationship ended. Let him know that it’s not working for you anymore, and it could not work for him both.

10) He’s probably not able to be in a relationship.

He retains coming again as a result of he nonetheless isn’t able to be in a relationship. He’s afraid of being damage once more.

So now he’s taking part in the “free spirit” card, saying that he doesn’t wish to be tied down or to quiet down proper now. However that is solely his means of avoiding dedication and ensuring that he doesn’t find yourself getting damage once more.

What ought to I do?

Take into consideration that for a minute, is being with this particular person price your time? If not then you could let him go. Inform him that he must face his worry of dedication and open up. If he can’t be with you, then he wants to search out another person who will make him completely happy. And in the event you’re the one which makes him completely happy, then he must admit it and commit.

11) He doesn’t know methods to be in an actual relationship.

So simple as that. He retains coming again as a result of he doesn’t know what being in an actual, grownup relationship appears like. He thinks that in the event you get again collectively, then he’ll have the ability to discover what he’s in search of with you. He’s nonetheless attempting to determine precisely what it takes to make issues work between two individuals.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, you then’re not doing him any favors by getting again collectively. The issue isn’t you, it’s him, and you could let him know that he must do one thing about it. He must work on himself and determine what it takes to make a relationship work by courting different girls till he’s mature sufficient to deal with it.

12) He’s afraid to lose the familiarity.

He retains coming again as a result of he’s afraid to be alone. He loves you, he misses you, and he enjoys his time with you. You’re acquainted and your relationship is snug. What’s to not love?

However the issue is that he can’t let go of what was in order that he can see what might be. He’s clinging on to this small a part of his life that doesn’t actually work anymore as a result of it’s all that he has left.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you must be trustworthy. Inform him that you just want various things in your life now and that you just don’t really feel like he’s a very good match for you anymore.

Inform him the the explanation why so it doesn’t appear to be it’s popping out of nowhere. Then give him a while to determine if he can do higher on his personal. If he finds another person and strikes on, then good for him.

13) He needs to ensure you gained’t be with anybody else.

He retains coming again as a result of he’s afraid that any individual else will take what he needs from you. Whenever you’re with him, then he is aware of that you just’re taken and that no one can steal you away from him. When issues are good between the 2 of you, then he doesn’t have to fret about anybody else being in your life.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you must be trustworthy. Inform him that you may’t promise that you just gained’t discover another person and that it could occur whether or not he needs it to or not.

Inform him that that is one thing for him to consider on his personal, and if he does get upset about it, then it’s not your drawback.

14) He needs the connection again since you’re the one girl he’s ever had.

He retains coming again as a result of he thinks that you just’re the perfect factor he’s ever had. He loves being with you and having a relationship with you, so he naturally assumes that you just’re the perfect girl in his life proper now.

What’s even worse is that now that every one of his different relationships have fallen aside, he doesn’t have some other girls to match you to anymore.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you must hold reminding him what you was once like and that he deserves so a lot better than an empty relationship with you. Inform him that his exes by no means really cherished him sufficient and that the whole lot is completely different now.

15) You’re the true deal… however he’s not able to commit.

He retains coming again as a result of he’s afraid to commit himself to a relationship once more. He is aware of that you just’re nice, however his worry of affection and dedication is an excessive amount of for him to beat.

As a substitute of letting this maintain him again, he all the time retains you at the back of his thoughts. He all the time retains hope alive that you just’ll invite him again into your life once more sometime as a result of he is aware of that you just’re price it.

What ought to I do?

If that is what’s occurring, then you could be trustworthy with your self and make an trustworthy evaluation of the scenario. If he’s not able to commit, then it’s not your job to make him.

It’s essential to determine how you are feeling about him and transfer on from there. Should you love him, then it’s as much as you to work issues out with him.

Should you don’t love him anymore, then you could let go in order that each of you may transfer ahead along with your life.


One factor is for positive: you may’t proceed to go on like this ceaselessly. There’s a motive why he retains coming again, however it’s out of your management. All you are able to do is resolve how for much longer you wish to hold attempting and what it would take so that you can lastly transfer on from him as soon as and for all

Do not forget that your time is simply as vital as his. So in the event you by no means decide, then it would by no means go anyplace.

Solely you may resolve what’s greatest for you and your future. If he actually needs to be with you, then he’ll keep round and show himself over time.

If not, then it’s time to maneuver on with out him as a result of the center shouldn’t be meant to be damaged each single day. The subsequent time that he reveals up once more is barely going to interrupt your coronary heart much more than it already has.

Should you assume it by way of and take into account the best way that issues are actually, you then’ll see that it could be greatest for each of you if he went away and located any individual else.

How this one revelation modified my love life

It’s Justin Brown right here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I’ve one thing to admit…

I used to consider I wanted to achieve success earlier than I deserved to search out somebody who may love me.

I used to consider there was a “excellent particular person” on the market and I simply needed to discover them.

I used to consider I’d lastly be completely happy as soon as I discovered “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs have been stopping me from constructing deep and intimate relationships with the individuals I used to be assembly. I used to be chasing an phantasm that was main me to loneliness.

If you wish to change something in your life, some of the efficient methods is to alter your beliefs.

Sadly, it’s not a straightforward factor to do.

I’m fortunate to have labored straight with the shaman Rudá Iandê in altering my beliefs about love. Doing so has modified my life ceaselessly.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

Because the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a singular place to have the ability to convey Rudá’s teachings to our international neighborhood.

We do that by selling his masterclasses.

One of the vital highly effective masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. On this class, Rudá breaks down his key classes on cultivating wholesome and nurturing relationships in your life.

1000’s of individuals have already let me know that this masterclass has modified their love lives for the higher.

==> Test it out right here.

Greatest needs,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

  • Leave Comments