Why do guys bring up their ex girlfriends in conversation?


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Have you ever ever been speaking to a man you want and he begins speaking about his ex-girlfriend?

I’ve executed it myself in some circumstances when speaking to girls.

The query is:

Why do males do that? It relies upon, however it’s nearly by no means random.

Right here’s why some males do that and what it might probably imply.

1) To let you know he’s nonetheless in love together with her

In some circumstances, a man will identify drop his ex for the easy motive that he’s nonetheless in love together with her.

He’s both doing this on function to let you understand he’s nonetheless in love together with her, or he’s doing it by mistake as a result of he’s so in love together with her.

Both approach, if he does nonetheless have emotions for an ex, he’s going to be any individual you’d usually be higher off avoiding.

In case you get emotions for a person whose coronary heart is already taken it’s an uphill climb and also you’re prone to find yourself with a damaged coronary heart.

If he mentions his ex offhand one time it will not be that he’s nonetheless in love.

But when his voice is stuffed with depth, his eyes get a craving look and he’s mentioning her continuously, then the interplay might be leaning on this route.

2) To let you know he’s out there

Why do guys deliver up their ex girlfriends in dialog?

Like I stated, it actually is determined by the state of affairs and the context.

Take a typical instance:

He’s out with a gaggle of pals at a restaurant and the waitress begins flirting with him.

She’s winking, letting her hand linger on his shoulder, calling him “hun,” you understand…the entire package deal.

However she additionally retains eyeing the enticing brunette to his left barely uneasily,

Little does this attractive waitress know that the brunette is definitely simply this man’s platonic good friend.

This man begins wanting slightly bit flustered.

Then he begins speaking about his ex-girlfriend when the waitress is in vary.

“Would you like one other drink, hun?” she asks.

“Sure, please. My ex-girlfriend would have stated no, however, uh, being a single man has its benefits, you understand?” (laughs nervously).

Refined…

Keep in mind: I’m not saying it is a good transfer to make. Being this determined is usually fairly unattractive.

However it’s one thing guys generally do to promote that they’re totally out there and searching.

3) To precise his personal confusion

One other one of many widespread explanation why guys deliver up their ex girlfriends in dialog is that they’re simply actually confused.

They don’t understand how they really feel about her and so they’re struggling of their love life.

They create up their ex to their pals, new girls or – actually – anyone who will pay attention.

They’re hurting.

This isn’t an excellent place to be, and should you’re fighting one thing related then you understand it’s straightforward to turn into so confused in romance that you just principally wish to quit altogether.

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4) To problem you

An ex-girlfriend is simply that: an ex.

Typically a man will discuss his ex to problem a brand new girl and throw down the gauntlet.

He’s letting you understand in no unsure phrases that the final girl didn’t final for a motive.

On this case he’ll usually emphasize that he was the one who broke up along with his ex, or discuss issues she did flawed or that weren’t adequate.

He’s dropping the none-so-subtle trace that he’s a selective man who’s excessive worth.

Anyone who wonders if an precise excessive worth man would do that has an excellent level, as a result of the reply might be no.

Nevertheless it’s nonetheless a typical motive why guys will go on about their supposedly shitty ex in dialog with potential new companions.

5) To let you know to again off

When a person talks about his ex round different girls it might probably generally be like a romantic automotive alarm:

He’s blaring out a transparent message and telling girls to again off.

The fundamental message?

I’m broken, I’m targeted on an ex, don’t hassle with me.

This can be one thing critical or it might be him taking part in video games, which I’ll get to later.

The fundamental level is that he’s placing this out like a porcupine deploying its spikes.

Go away, I’m unhappy and heartbroken. Go away me alone, ladies.

To be truthful, generally a straight man will say this to different guys too simply to allow them to know he’s not into socializing, hanging out or attending to know anybody new.

6) To elucidate the previous

There’s not all the time a deep rationale behind a man speaking about his ex.

Typically I’ve executed it for a quite simple motive:

To elucidate the previous.

Now, by clarify I don’t imply justify.

Particularly with potential dates or informal new pals there isn’t any actual motive to enter element about an ex.

However explaining a fundamental overview of what went down makes loads of sense.

If a man is just summing up a previous relationship for you, there’s an excellent probability he’s principally simply explaining what occurred in a basic sense.

Typically it would probably not imply greater than that.

7) To assist deliver closure

One more reason why some guys deliver up their ex girlfriend in dialog is to get extra closure.

After all, the connection’s already over.

However he might deliver up an ex merely to substantiate each to himself and others that this relationship is totally up to now.

He’s making it official and reminding himself and everybody else that the previous is over.

This could generally assist deliver a measure of closure.

8) To make you jealous

Typically a man will deliver up an ex to make you jealous.

It is a recreation that some males play, particularly if they don’t seem to be very critical about you or wish to see your response.

Getting you to consider his ex and him with one other girl is usually a man’s approach of constructing you envious and uncomfortable.

That is principally a approach for him to really feel a way of energy in your interactions and to place you in your again foot.

Round different guys it may be a method to additionally make them jealous about what nice ladies he’s been with up to now.

It may be an egotistical reminder to others that he’s a man who will get extremely popular ladies.

9) To let you understand his worries

Typically speaking about an ex is only a method to let you understand his worries.

He’s feeling unhappy about an ex and talks about her as a result of she’s on his thoughts.

The actual fact is that love could be very tough, and disappointments in love can go away a long-lasting mark…

Everyone knows how that may be.

Have you ever ever requested your self why love is so onerous?

Why can’t or not it’s the way you imagined rising up? Or a minimum of make some sense…

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We get caught in terrible relationships or empty encounters, by no means actually discovering what we’re on the lookout for and persevering with to really feel horrible about issues like guys who discuss their exes and attempt to play video games with our feelings.

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10) To gradual issues down slightly

As I discussed, generally talking about an ex is usually a method to problem a lady, push her away or deliver some type of closure.

It will also be one thing slightly bit in between: a method to gradual issues down slightly.

A person might point out his previous disappointments and damaged relationships as a method to pump the brakes barely.

In case you are courting and it’s going a bit quick, he’s reminding the each of you that not the whole lot works out and to proceed with some warning.

To be truthful, that’s an excellent level.

11) To get you to open up extra

One other widespread motive why a person might discuss an ex is to get you to open up extra.

By making himself extra susceptible and mentioning one thing that’s painful, he’s supplying you with an invite to do the identical in return.

Whether or not or not you’re feeling snug speaking about topics like it is a totally different matter.

However this might be his intention in mentioning an ex to you in such a approach.

12) To get nosy about your previous

The adverse model of level 11 is that generally he’ll need you to open up however in a much less benign approach.

Actually, he’s hoping to dig up extra “filth” in your previous, discover out particulars of while you had been final with a person, and so forth.

Quite than simply ask immediately, which a minimum of could be sincere, he’s making an attempt to elicit a response from you.

In case you resolve to open up about your courting historical past or your exes that’s as much as you.

However don’t ever let a man again you into speaking about belongings you don’t really feel snug with simply because he’s chosen to open up.

13) As a result of he’s nonetheless speaking to her

Typically a man talks about his ex as a result of it simply pops out despite the fact that he didn’t intend to.

One of many causes is as a result of he’s nonetheless chatting with her.

She’s on his thoughts as a result of he’s nonetheless in contact together with her.

In case you’re on this man it’s clearly dangerous information.

In case you’re a good friend who’s heard his tales of woe concerning the breakup, it will also be a trigger for concern.

Why is he speaking to her nonetheless, or once more?

Perhaps he’s nonetheless in love, perhaps she’s caught him in a poisonous entice, perhaps he simply bought overly bored or sexy one evening…

Both approach, it’s hardly ever excellent news…

14) As a result of he’s making an attempt to decide on between you and her

One other one of many explanation why some males deliver up their ex in dialog will be as a result of they’re nonetheless torn up about her and making an attempt to resolve between her and a brand new girl.

They might wish to weigh their choices, get outdoors opinions or check a lady’s response who they discuss it to.

If his ex is on his thoughts, there’s normally an excellent motive why.

And in lots of circumstances that motive might merely be that he’s deciding whether or not to get again together with her or attempt to be with somebody new.

As I stated, each state of affairs is totally different, so it actually relies upon.

What’s the actual motive why he’s mentioning his ex? All of it is determined by context and getting nearly as good a peek inside his head and coronary heart as you’ll be able to.

15) To vent his personal insecurities

One other massive motive why some males discuss their ex is as a result of they really feel very insecure about what occurred.

They really feel unworthy and like an individual who has failed of their romantic life.

Is it true?

One factor I’ve seen persistently in life is that this:

Typically individuals who let you know they’re nice and good individuals are actual shitbags, and individuals who let you know how dangerous and flawed they’re find yourself really being real and compassionate people.

Go determine.

The purpose is that generally a man brings up his ex as a result of he has low vanity and desires to promote to the world that he’s a failure.

Is he proper? Perhaps, however in lots of circumstances he’s simply misplaced in a spiral of avoidant habits and low self-worth.

The true monsters are the narcissistic emotional manipulators who’re on the market pondering they’re God’s reward to mankind.

16) To point out you he’s skilled in love

Typically one of many causes guys deliver up their ex girlfriends in dialog is to show they’re skilled.

They need whoever they’re speaking to to know that they’re not a beginner at love.

If it is a woman it might probably principally be a type of bragging in entrance of her.

If it’s in entrance of a man or any individual he’s not interested in, it may be a type of establishing romantic “road cred.”

“Yeah, effectively my ex …”

Sure, we get it, you will have an ex. Congratulations.

Backside line: Is it dangerous or good?

Usually, guys keep away from speaking about their ex besides to shut pals, to a counselor or throughout a disaster.

If you wish to know: why do guys deliver up their ex girlfriends in dialog? The reply is normally not for something good.

It’s both as a result of he’s insecure, baiting you or in any other case making an attempt to govern folks ultimately.

This isn’t all the time the case, as I’ve outlined above.

However should you hear a man who typically talks about his ex it’s usually not an excellent signal.

Proceed with warning and all the time take into account that any individual else’s previous and issues aren’t your duty.

Being an excellent listener and empathetic is one factor, however by no means enable somebody to make use of you as an offloading port for his or her issues, points and thoughts video games.

All of us deserve a lot better than that.

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If you need particular recommendation in your state of affairs, it may be very useful to talk to a relationship coach.

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