17 reasons why guys give the silent treatment (and what to do about it)

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Being on the receiving finish of the silent remedy is rarely nice. You don’t know what you’ve finished improper as a result of all of your man does is provide the chilly shoulder.

However why do that within the first place?

See, there are 17 causes males give the ‘silent remedy.’ However don’t fear, for I’ll additionally provide you with tips about how one can take care of it.

Let’s start.

1) He’s horrible at speaking

Relating to communication, the adage ‘males are from Mars, and ladies are from Venus’ holds true.

In line with The Guardian:

“The sexes talk otherwise (and ladies do it higher) due to the way in which their brains are wired. The feminine mind excels in verbal duties whereas the male mind is best tailored to visual-spatial and mathematical duties. Girls like to speak; males choose motion to phrases.”

In different phrases, ladies are genetically blessed to speak like specialists. Males, on the opposite, fare higher with actions – which is why they’re not good at speaking.

So, as a substitute of claiming one thing that might get him in bother, he’d fairly keep quiet and unknowingly give the silent remedy.

What to do

As a Healthline article quips, “Merely avoiding conflicts gained’t assist. Ignoring points simply offers them the house and time to construct up into one thing bigger down the street.”

So if you wish to stop your relationship from imploding, you each have to learn to talk higher.

A easy means of doing that is checking in on them at any time when potential.

In line with a Bustle article, “Asking “How are you? How was your day?” is not going to solely maintain you in contact and in sync, it’ll assist maintain you within the behavior of speaking with one another.”

2) He’s a delicate man

As my co-writer Pearl Nash explains in her article:

“Delicate males might also discover it a bit laborious to need to open up generally…

It’s generally as a result of that’s the way in which they defend their feelings and keep feeling upbeat.

Many males have been burned once they opened as much as a girl or began speaking an excessive amount of. They’re terrified of inviting an issue, in order that they maintain their mouths shut.”

What to do

A delicate man who likes you must really feel safe. It’s a matter of letting him know that nothing unhealthy would occur ought to he select to speak with you.

On high of that, Instances of India’s Shikha Desai recommends being “open in expressing your emotions for him. If you happen to love him and look after him, let him know that you simply do. It is not going to solely make him really feel secured however he’ll additionally take pleasure in the truth that you’re actually into him and that you simply’re so open about it.”

3) You don’t make him really feel like a hero

For guys, it’s all about triggering their interior hero.

And it’s one thing most girls don’t know something about.

I discovered about this from the hero intuition. Coined by relationship skilled James Bauer, this fascinating idea is about what drives males in relationships.

It’s ingrained of their DNA.

As soon as triggered, these drivers make males into the heroes of their very own lives. They really feel higher, love tougher, and commit stronger once they discover somebody who is aware of how one can set off it.

What to do

For starters, you may try James Bauer’s wonderful free video right here. He shares some straightforward tricks to get you began, equivalent to sending him a 12-word textual content that may instantly set off his hero intuition.

As a result of that’s the great thing about the hero intuition.

It’s solely a matter of realizing the precise issues to say to make him notice that he desires you and solely you.

Click on right here to look at the free video.

4) He’s craving some consideration

He’s tried all the things to get your consideration, however you’re simply too busy with work (amongst many different issues.)

Consequently, he finally ends up utilizing a technique that he is aware of will certainly make you discover him: supplying you with the silent remedy.

What to do:

It is a no-brainer: you need to give him the eye he wants. Explains psychologist Alice Boyes, Ph.D.:

“You’ve been ignoring their requests for consideration, they usually’ve escalated into annoying behaviors. Methods to indicate your accomplice they’ll get your consideration embrace responding with eye contact, bodily contact, or by speaking.”

5) He thinks he gained’t win anyway

Giving the silent remedy could also be your man’s means of waving the white flag in the course of the combat. For him, there’s no sense speaking. He’ll be shunned down anyway.

Consider it as psychological conditioning. He is aware of he is not going to win the argument anyway, so why even hassle?

What to do

On this case, it’s not the man’s fault. He’s supplying you with the silent remedy merely since you’re too overbearing.

What it’s essential do on this case is do some conscious listening. Don’t at all times assume that he’s improper and also you’re proper.

Take time to listen to his case. Don’t formulate solutions in your head whereas he’s nonetheless speaking.

If you happen to maintain shutting him down, it should solely make him sad in your relationship. He would possibly depart you quickly for those who’re not cautious!

6) He’s mad, and he’s afraid he’ll burst out into flames

Some males have gotten fairly the mood. As psychologist Seth D. Meyers, Psy.D. explains:

“Far larger charges of males have a self-described ‘unhealthy mood’… What’s extra, I’ve discovered that many males who’ve a nasty mood unleash the worst of it on their girlfriend or spouse, particularly in the event that they reside collectively.”

So as a substitute of bursting into flames, some males select to do the alternative – staying mum throughout fights (even conversations.) In his thoughts, it’ll maintain him from doing one thing he’ll remorse.

What to do

In case your man has a mood challenge, Meyers recommends “sitting the particular person down and critically describing how the tantrums have an effect on you. Clarify that you’re prepared to work along with that particular person to assist him discover higher methods to manage when he feels overwhelmed. Have a psychological time restrict in your head of how lengthy you’re prepared to offer him to alter and follow it.”

7) He doesn’t need to look unhealthy in entrance of others

Perhaps you’re preventing in entrance of household and pals. He is aware of how unhealthy he’s at speaking – or maybe he is aware of he might find yourself lashing out after. Since he doesn’t need to look unhealthy in entrance of the gang, he’d simply maintain his mouth shut.

What to do

He’s simply occupied with your relationship, and it’s a great factor.

However if you wish to clear the air, I like to recommend chatting with knowledgeable relationship coach at Relationship Hero.

It’s a web site the place extremely educated relationship coaches assist individuals via sophisticated love conditions. They’re a top-rated useful resource for individuals going through this type of problem.

With their help, you will get recommendation particular to your life and experiences…

How do I do know?

Nicely, I reached out to them a number of months in the past after I was going via a tough patch. After being misplaced in my ideas for therefore lengthy, they gave me a novel perception into my relationship and how one can get it again on monitor.

As if issues couldn’t get any higher, my coach was surprisingly type, empathetic, and genuinely useful.

In only a few minutes, you’ll be able to join with an authorized relationship coach and get tailored recommendation to your scenario.

Click on right here to get began.

8) He refuses to take accountability for his actions

You fought, and he is aware of it’s his fault. However as a substitute of proudly owning as much as it, he’ll do the silent remedy.

He is aware of it’ll create stress and forestall him from admitting his errors – no less than in the interim.

In line with a report:

“Their silence deflects the dialog and communicates that the problem is off-limits.

“Sadly, the particular person receiving the silent remedy should proceed to wrestle with their ache and disappointment alone. There isn’t any alternative to resolve the problem, compromise, or perceive their accomplice’s place.”

What to do

In case your man is utilizing the silent remedy as a way of deflecting, make certain to stay calm.

As Pearl places it:

“Attempt to keep in mind that the extra you lose your cool, the extra their partitions are additionally more likely to come up. Maintain calm and rational.”

If protecting peaceable shouldn’t be your factor, this listing of what calm individuals do ought to assist you to out.

9) He desires to make you are feeling excluded

See, all of us have an innate drive to be cherished and accepted. Giving the silent remedy will make you are feeling in any other case. It will probably make you are feeling excluded, ostracized even.

To make issues worse, a report has proven that “Being excluded prompts the identical areas of the mind that being a sufferer of bodily violence prompts.”

Twisted as it might appear, however he’s doing this to push all of your buttons – with out essentially putting a hand on you.

Such a intelligent (and evil) trick, for those who ask me.

What to do

Place confidence in your self. I do know it’s simpler mentioned than finished, however optimistic affirmations will assist you to deal (and really feel) higher following your man’s silent remedy.

Explains a Cleveland Clinic article:

“Optimistic affirmations are phrases you’ll be able to say, both aloud or in your head, to affirm your self and construct your self up — particularly within the midst of adverse conditions. They’re a means of serving to overcome damaging ideas that may generally take over and make you doubt your self.”

Listed here are some wonderful examples:

“I’m comfy within the silence.”

“There’s nothing improper with me.”

“I’m by no means alone, for I’m at all times surrounded by love.”

10) He desires to manage you

Sure, a man can management you just by NOT speaking to you.

When your man chooses to maintain mum as a substitute of speaking to you, your self-worth will ultimately endure. This, in the long term, could make you extra depending on him.

And, since you’re reliant on him, he can simply management you – and your actions. For instance, he gained’t discuss to you till you apologize (although it wasn’t your fault.)

Having this energy over you mainly makes him invincible in your relationship.

What to do

It may be laborious to take care of a controlling accomplice. That’s why psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. recommends following via.

“Leaving a relationship — and even simply making an attempt to make adjustments inside one — is a dynamic and persevering with course of, not a singular occasion. It takes care, planning, and a number of steps. In case your first try to make adjustments or get out has failed, take a breath and provides your self a break. Then begin once more,” she asserts.

11) He’s making an attempt to control you

Much like his try at controlling you, your man could provide the silent remedy to control you.

For instance, he’ll provide the chilly shoulder till you budge to his request for intercourse – or cash. Then, he’ll do it repeatedly, for he is aware of you’ll consent to all the things he asks you to do.

What to do

Relating to dealing with manipulative individuals, it’s a matter of holding your floor. As HackSpirit founder Lachlan Brown explains in his article:

“If you end up confronted with a real manipulator who’s going to nice lengths to make your life depressing, you’ll want to carry your floor whenever you confront them about it.

Which means it doesn’t matter what occurs, you’ll get up for your self and be clear about what you’ll and won’t put up with.”

It’s additionally good to hunt the assistance of a coach over at Relationship Hero.

As I’ve talked about, they may help break via the noise and provides actual options.

In only a few minutes, you’ll be able to join with an authorized relationship coach and get tailored recommendation to your scenario.

Click on right here to examine them out.

12) He desires to harm you

It’s straightforward to recover from bodily ache. Only a few bandages and tablets, and also you’re good to go.

Psychological anguish, nevertheless, is one other factor.

That is maybe one of many explanation why he’s supplying you with the chilly shoulder. He desires to harm you deeply.

See, a protracted silent remedy will make you doubt all the things you maintain pricey. You start questioning the place you went improper and for those who really deserve what has come to you.

What to do

In line with my fellow author Felicity Frankish, it’s essential to acknowledge the place the harm originates. She explains:

“Not all harm is intentional. It may be unintentional or perhaps a easy misunderstanding. This doesn’t change how you are feeling in regards to the ache however will change the way you method the scenario. So dig deep and belief your intestine intuition.

“It may be straightforward to suppose the worst of somebody who has precipitated you ache. As a substitute, have a look at the scenario objectively to think about whether or not or not they meant to trigger you ache.”

However, if he’s hurting you deliberately, you might need to think about getting out of the connection – when you nonetheless can!

13) It’s out of spite

Perhaps you’re not taking all the things he’s telling you critically. Or maybe you ignored them, albeit unintentionally.

See, some guys find yourself harboring spite due to these occasions. And, as revenge, they consider doing a merciless factor that’s solely in need of bodily violence: the silent remedy.

What to do

Relating to coping with a spiteful man, it’s a matter of ‘rising above and avoiding getting sucked in.’

As Lachlan explains in his article “Evil individuals: 20 issues they do and how one can take care of them”:

“Evil and poisonous individuals can drive you mad as a result of their conduct doesn’t make sense.

“So keep in mind, when their conduct has no logical cause, why would you let your self get sucked into it? Get away from them emotionally. You don’t want to reply.”

14) It’s his knee-jerk response

Perhaps you mentioned (or did) one thing that took your man without warning. Sadly, he doesn’t know how one can react to it, so he decides to do the best factor: keep silent.

What to do

Don’t panic. If it’s a knee-jerk response, his ‘chilly shoulder’ will flip heat quickly.

Simply be affected person and provides him house. See, it’s a must to respect your variations.

Explains Lachlan: “Acknowledge them for what they’re. It doesn’t imply you’re not suitable. It merely signifies that you’re human. Attempt to respect the optimistic sides of persona traits that you simply think about damaging.”

15) He simply zoned out

There you had been, speaking in regards to the unhealthy day you had at work. You’re asking for his opinion, and he was simply mum about it.

You requested him a number of occasions, and there he was, glued to the soccer recreation he was watching.

Once more, it’s all in regards to the basic variations between a person’s and girl’s brains.

In line with a WebMD report:

“The male mind goes to a relaxation state to rejuvenate rather more than the feminine mind. So to construct mind cells and restore himself, a person must ‘zone out.’ That’s why he channel-surfs or stares on the pc.

“However, ladies have all that oxytocin that makes them “need to bond on the finish of the day with the intention to rejuvenate.”

What to do

You may be a talkative girlfriend, and there’s nothing improper with that. And if you wish to keep away from preventing over a mistaken silent remedy, it’s essential that you simply talk about your various communication types.

Explains Pearl:

“It’s essential to try to bridge the hole.

“Some individuals love to speak and might do it continually all day, day by day. Different individuals get rapidly exhausted or pissed off by a variety of dialog.

“It’s essential to have a chat… meaning speaking about each your preferences and telling one another what you want.”

16) He’s drained

Your man had a protracted day at work and is flat-out drained. You attempt to interact in dialog with him, and he simply nods (or shakes his head, maybe.)

See, he’s not supplying you with the chilly shoulder as a result of he’s mad at you. He’s simply drained, and he’d fairly have a silent few hours for himself.

What to do

Let him be silent! In any case, it could assist result in:

  • Psychological readability
  • Improved decision-making
  • Higher emotional processing

It’s additionally a great mechanism for therapeutic (particularly after a protracted tiring day), explains Piedmont Healthcare life coach Dennis Buttimer.

“When you find yourself underneath stress, your physique’s pure restore mechanisms are disabled. When you’ll be able to domesticate silence and stillness, readability develops in your thoughts and has a settling impact. Your physique shouldn’t be unbiased of your mind, so it should loosen up as effectively.”

“In different phrases, whenever you’re relaxed, your physique’s pure restore mechanisms are enabled, and also you’ll heal quicker.”

17) He’s simply busy

Fact be informed, your man will not be supplying you with the silent remedy – no less than deliberately. He could also be busy with work, that’s all.

As to why this occurs, Boyes believes that “If you happen to’re overworking, your mind may be absolutely tied up occupied with your personal priorities, to the extent that you simply don’t even know what your accomplice’s priorities are. What’s essential to your accomplice presently? What have they tried to speak to you about, however you’ve brushed them off?”

What to do

Before everything, it’s essential decide if he’s actually busy – or if he’s simply not concerned with you. If he contacts you (whenever you least anticipate it) and units up a date to see you, it’s a great probability that he was simply buried in work.

Moreover, Boyes suggests that you simply “Create a behavioral behavior that offers you an opportunity to speak to one another.”

She recommends speaking whereas strolling, for “neither particular person is bodily trapped in a confined house like they’re in a automotive. Speaking whereas strolling could make it emotionally simpler to have in-depth conversations.”


By now, it is best to have a greater thought of why guys give the silent remedy.
So the important thing now could be getting via to your man in a means that empowers each him and also you.

I discussed the idea of the hero intuition earlier — by interesting on to his primal instincts, you gained’t solely clear up this challenge, however you’ll take your relationship additional than ever earlier than.

And since this free video reveals precisely how one can set off your man’s hero intuition, you may make this alteration as early as at the moment.

With James Bauer’s unimaginable idea, he’ll see you as the one girl for him. So for those who’re able to take that plunge, remember to try the video now.

Right here’s a hyperlink to his wonderful free video once more.

Can a relationship coach assist you to too?

If you need particular recommendation in your scenario, it may be very useful to talk to a relationship coach.

I do know this from private expertise…

A couple of months in the past, I reached out to Relationship Hero after I was going via a tricky patch in my relationship. After being misplaced in my ideas for therefore lengthy, they gave me a novel perception into the dynamics of my relationship and how one can get it again on monitor.

If you happen to haven’t heard of Relationship Hero earlier than, it’s a web site the place extremely educated relationship coaches assist individuals via sophisticated and tough love conditions.

In only a few minutes you’ll be able to join with an authorized relationship coach and get tailored recommendation to your scenario.

I used to be blown away by how type, empathetic, and genuinely useful my coach was.

Click on right here to get began.

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