15 helpful ways to overcome codependency after a breakup

We typically embrace merchandise we expect are helpful for our readers. For those who purchase by means of hyperlinks on this web page, we could earn a small fee. Learn our affiliate disclosure.


The aftermath of a breakup can depart you feeling confused, indignant, lonely, and even depressed.

Along with coping with the emotional ache, leaving a codependent relationship means you additionally face the problem of rebuilding your vanity and identification, together with discovering new methods to deal with your emotions.

However you may discover ways to overcome codependency after a breakup. Right here’s how…

1) Get help from others

Codependency could also be an unhealthy attachment, however the reality stays all of us want help in life. Studying to maneuver on from codependency doesn’t imply you need to attempt to take care of difficulties by yourself.

If you’re going by means of a tough time in life, it’s pure to wish to flip to individuals who care about you for consolation and steerage.

The problem of leaving a codependent relationship is that the one one that you’ll have robotically turned to and relied upon is now not there.

Nevertheless it’s essential to keep in mind that household, buddies, and neighborhood (even on-line boards) can even present us with this sense of connection and understanding.

Many individuals in codependent relationships discover themselves neglecting different relationships of their life as their companion turns into their world. Nevertheless it’s by no means too late to start out rebuilding these connections elsewhere or to start creating new ones.

After leaving a codependent relationship it’s essential to actively recreate your personal identification and pursuits once more — and different relationships are part of that.

This isn’t about attempting to switch codependency onto another person.It’s about recognizing that human beings are social creatures.

We don’t should go it alone after we are going by means of a tough time. So don’t endure in silence, attain out.

2) Perceive the driving drive behind codependency

No one is born codependent. It’s a sample of conduct you discovered. And in the event you discovered it,  which means you may unlearn it.

Codependency is normally attributable to unresolved points from childhood or adolescence. For instance, in the event you grew up in a house the place you have been made to really feel that your personal wants have been much less essential.

Maybe your dad and mom have been both overprotective or underneath protecting, creating an unhealthy stability in relationship dynamics.

By digging deeper into what has brought about codependent patterns to emerge in you, it lets you higher perceive your self. That is going that will help you to determine when codependent conduct is arising and put a cease to it.

However greater than that, understanding how codependency operates and what has triggered it means you now not should determine it as being you. As an alternative, it’s a conduct that may be altered as soon as you might be acutely aware of it.

3) Construct your personal vanity and self-worth

As highlighted by Medical Information As we speak:

“The codependent individual feels nugatory until they’re wanted by — and making drastic sacrifices for — the enabler. The enabler will get satisfaction from getting their each want met by the opposite individual.

“The codependent is barely glad when making excessive sacrifices for his or her companion. They really feel they have to be wanted by this different individual to have any goal.”

One of many underlying causes of codependency could be low vanity.

For those who query your personal self-worth, then you’ll doubtless proceed to see others as superior to you. You may even suppose that your emotions are mistaken or not as legitimate.

So whenever you depart a codependent relationship chances are you’ll really feel such as you’re shedding one thing very important to your sense of price.

It’s essential to take steps to construct your personal vanity, which begins by studying to suppose extra positively about your self.

  • Take into consideration all of the stuff you’ve completed in your life to this point.
  • Take into consideration all the nice qualities you possess.
  • Take into consideration the entire expertise, abilities, and skills you might have.
  • Take into consideration all of the individuals who love you and care about you.

If you battle to see your self in a optimistic mild it may possibly assist to view your self as in the event you have been wanting by means of the eyes of your finest good friend.

4) Discover your relationship with your self (and with love)

Why does love so usually begin out nice, solely to grow to be a nightmare?

And what’s the answer to beat codependency after a breakup?

The reply is contained within the relationship you might have with your self.

I discovered about this from the famend shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see by means of the lies we inform ourselves about love and grow to be really empowered.

As Rudá explains on this thoughts blowing free video, love shouldn’t be what many people suppose it’s. In actual fact, many people are literally self-sabotaging our love lives with out realizing it!

We have to face the info about codependency in relationships.

Far too usually we chase an idealized picture of somebody and construct up expectations which might be assured to be let down.

Far too usually we fall into codependent roles of savior and sufferer to attempt to “repair” our companion, solely to finish up in a depressing, bitter routine.

Far too usually, we’re on shaky floor with our personal selves and this carries over into poisonous relationships that grow to be hell on earth.

Rudá’s teachings confirmed me an entire new perspective.

Whereas watching, I felt like somebody understood my struggles to search out love for the primary time – and eventually supplied an precise, sensible resolution to avoiding codependency in relationships.

For those who’re completed with irritating relationships and having your hopes dashed again and again, then this can be a message you could hear.

Click on right here to look at the free video.

5) Reduce contact along with your ex

Lacking your ex after you broke up is completely regular. However when codependency is concerned there could be an additional longing.

While desirous to see or converse to your ex to be able to search a relaxation chunk from the grief is regular, in the long term it’s a foul concept.

Being in shut contact along with your ex will solely hold the unhealthy attachment alive and make you are feeling worse. This isn’t the time to focus in your ex, however reasonably on your self.

That’s why it’s essential to chop off all contact along with your ex, irrespective of how difficult it feels.  You’ll get again on observe a lot sooner.

Many consultants agree that the no contact rule is one of the best ways of giving your self the time and area to grieve.

Severing ties along with your ex can appear brutal, but it surely permits you to deliver your full consideration again to your self.

6) Rebuild your personal sense of identification

What occurs whenever you cease serious about your ex? You get busy residing your life. And that’s precisely what you need to do.

It’s simple to take a seat round feeling sorry for your self, however doing nothing will simply extend your ache. Probably the most constructive factor to do is get busy exploring methods to be glad once more.

People who find themselves overcoming codependency must make additional efforts towards creating their very own identification. That may contain discovering a passion or exercise you take pleasure in doing that has nothing to do along with your ex.

Take into consideration all of the stuff you like. Take into consideration your hobbies and pursuits. Take into consideration all types of actions you’d prefer to check out.

What little issues do you discover pleasure in away out of your relationship? It is perhaps so simple as ebook or film. It may very well be one thing you wish to be taught or a sport you’d prefer to play.

A part of breaking the behavior of codependency usually includes rediscovering your personal preferences once more and taking self-responsibility for making your self glad.

So mess around and discover — whether or not it’s various kinds of music that you simply like, locations you want to go to, and even meals you prefer to eat. Take this time to get to know your self.

⌄ Scroll right down to proceed studying the article ⌄


Affected by Empty and Draining Relationships?

The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the three most essential elements to wholesome and loving relationships (and to expertise them proper now).

Watch the free video now


⌄ Scroll right down to proceed studying the article ⌄

7) Take off the rose-tinted glasses about your ex and your relationship

If you’re prepared to maneuver ahead, you must put apart any romantic notions about your ex and your former relationship.

Your ex was not excellent. Your ex wasn’t at all times variety or loving. However at any time when we lose one thing, it’s simple to look again with rose-tinted glasses.

Grief could make us idealize the previous. However now greater than ever is the perfect time to recollect the unhealthy within the relationship.

It’s not that you need to dwell on adverse ideas or take pleasure in blame or bitterness. However reasonably than torture your self serious about what you are feeling you might have misplaced, remind your self of the unhealthy and even poisonous parts about your relationship.

Acknowledge {that a} fantasy relationship by no means existed. Getting misplaced in phantasm will forestall you from transferring ahead.

8) Attempt to stick with routines

Breakups could make life instantly appear chaotic. That’s why sticking to routines might help you to search out some consolation by means of construction.

For those who’ve been going by means of a tough patch, it’s by no means the perfect time to make massive adjustments to your schedule.

Attempt to arrange every day routines that aid you keep centered and arranged. Roughly getting up and going to mattress on the similar time daily, having a morning ritual, exercising every day.

It’s all about attempting to determine some kind of order to your days.As identified in Psychology As we speak:

“Research present {that a} common routine can ease psychological stress and assist us really feel extra in management. Quite than worrying an excessive amount of about what may occur sooner or later, we’ve got issues we have to deal with right this moment. That helps handle our worry and our moods.”

9) Give it time

Sadly, you may’t put a time restrict on therapeutic.

Don’t pile on additional stress with unrealistic expectations of the therapeutic course of. It takes so long as it takes and therapeutic isn’t linear.

Which means some days you’ll really feel stronger however on others, you’ll in all probability really feel such as you’ve taken a step backward.

Give your self permission to take breaks whenever you want them. Don’t beat your self up for taking time to heal and grieve.

Studying to be affected person could be one of many kindest issues you are able to do for your self proper now.

As a result of typically, it might really feel like nothing is occurring. You don’t see any change. You continue to really feel unhappy, indignant, and lonely. However behind the scenes that doesn’t imply that therapeutic isn’t ongoing.

10) Don’t be tempted to show to unhealthy distractions

While it may possibly really feel like something to numb the ache can be higher than nothing proper now, sure issues are going to make it worse in the long term.

The very last thing you want is to leap straight into one other romantic relationship to try to switch your codependency onto another person.

With out coping with the underlying feelings and studying to rely on your self, you’re solely going to get sucked into the identical vicious cycle once more.

Neither is it a good suggestion to attempt to discover solace from ache in alcohol or different substances, impulsive spending, over (or underneath) consuming or sleeping an excessive amount of.

11) Apply self-care

Self-care is a vital a part of restoration from codependency. You have to discover ways to take care of your self and be capable of make your self really feel good.

This consists of ensuring you eat properly, train often, sleep sufficient, spend high quality time with family and friends, and apply mindfulness.

That is additionally a fantastic alternative to start out practising gratitude.

Recognizing the optimistic features of your life and being grateful for these issues can actually aid you to maneuver previous the adverse emotions and ideas that come from feeling depending on another person.

Self-care additionally helps us to take duty for our personal happiness. It could aid you to actively determine your personal wants and acknowledge they’re essential.

That means whenever you go on to kind different relationships you might have stronger foundations of taking care of your self and understanding why it’s so essential.

12) Journal

Journaling is a robust device to make use of throughout this tough time.

It permits you to categorical all of the feelings you’re experiencing with out having to share them with anybody else.

If you journal, you may discover your ideas, emotions, and experiences with out the worry of judgment.

Not solely has journaling been confirmed to spice up your temper and improve your sense of well-being, it’s additionally a helpful methodology of self-exploration.

In accordance with the College of Rochester Medical Heart journaling works to enhance your psychological well being by:

  • Serving to you prioritize issues, fears, and issues
  • Monitoring any signs day-to-day so that you could acknowledge triggers and be taught methods to raised management them
  • Offering a possibility for optimistic self-talk and figuring out adverse ideas and behaviors

13) Meditate

Meditation is without doubt one of the handiest strategies of stress discount. It could aid you to relax, cut back nervousness, and enhance focus.

There are a lot of various kinds of meditation, however the two important ones I’d advocate for dealing with codependency withdrawal signs are centered respiratory and loving-kindness meditation.

Targeted respiratory meditations train you to decelerate and take note of your breath as you breathe out and in. It lets you keep current, chill out, enhance your self-control and enhance your self-awareness.

Loving-kindness meditation encourages you to focus loving vitality towards your self (and others). Extra compassion-based interventions like this may be simply what you could aid you construct your personal self-love after codependency.

Analysis lists a few of the advantages of loving-kindness meditation as being notably helpful for tackling social nervousness, relationship battle, and anger.

While different research have discovered it may possibly assist emotional processing and empathy to spice up a way of positivity and cut back negativity.

14) Don’t let your ideas run away with you

We will all be susceptible to adverse considering at any time in life. However notably when you find yourself therapeutic from the trauma of a codependent breakup, chances are you’ll be extra susceptible to them.

If you end up dwelling on one thing or somebody who was a part of your codependency, strive to not permit these ideas to devour you.

As an alternative, start by watching adverse ideas after they come up. If you discover them, make a alternative to not comply with that practice of thought down into the rabbit gap of adverse considering.

It’s virtually unimaginable to cease adverse ideas from popping into your head. However being aware of after they seem means you’re much less more likely to get carried away by them.

Personally, I’ve discovered it helpful to put on a hair tie or rubber band across the wrist after breakups.

Once I discover my ideas have drifted in the direction of painful recollections or feelings I gently twang the band as a bodily sign to myself to remain current and cease the ideas.

15) Get skilled assist

Typically we don’t notice how a lot our codependency has affected us till we search assist.

For those who really feel such as you’ve been fighting codependency for a very long time, then it is perhaps price getting some skilled help.

I do know there are many self-help books and assets out there on-line, however if you wish to work by means of this course of with a skilled therapist, you’ll in all probability discover that having a face-to-face dialog will probably be useful.

You could have previous trauma or abuse to take care of or some deeply rooted false beliefs about your self. To unpack all that in a professionally supported setting could be actually highly effective.

Consultants are skilled that will help you discover methods to work by means of and categorical emotions that will have been lingering for years.

How this one revelation modified my love life

It’s Justin Brown right here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I’ve one thing to admit…

I used to imagine I wanted to achieve success earlier than I deserved to search out somebody who may love me.

I used to imagine there was a “excellent individual” on the market and I simply needed to discover them.

I used to imagine I’d lastly be glad as soon as I discovered “the one”.

What I now know is that these limiting beliefs have been stopping me from constructing deep and intimate relationships with the folks I used to be assembly. I used to be chasing an phantasm that was main me to loneliness.

If you wish to change something in your life, one of the efficient methods is to vary your beliefs.

Sadly, it’s not a straightforward factor to do.

I’m fortunate to have labored instantly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in altering my beliefs about love. Doing so has modified my life eternally.

Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.

Because the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a singular place to have the ability to deliver Rudá’s teachings to our international neighborhood.

We do that by selling his masterclasses.

One of the vital highly effective masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. On this class, Rudá breaks down his key classes on cultivating wholesome and nurturing relationships in your life.

1000’s of individuals have already let me know that this masterclass has modified their love lives for the higher.

==> Test it out right here.

Finest needs,
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder

  • Leave Comments