12 possible reasons he keeps coming back but won’t commit (and what to do about it)

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He comes again simply as you have been about to maneuver on—after which he leaves, once more.

And this isn’t the primary time both. Maybe it’s his fifth, or maybe it’s his hundredth time, however he appears to have made a behavior out of it.

You simply can’t determine what he’s enjoying at.

On this article, I will provide you with no-BS causes a person would preserve coming again however received’t commit, and a few tips about how one can deal with it.

Earlier than anything

Earlier than we begin this record, I’d wish to let you recognize none of this—completely none of this —is your fault.

Certain, there are some issues that you are able to do to make a person commit (I’ll share to you the way precisely later), but when a person comes and goes, it’s the man who often has an issue.

Apart from, your worth shouldn’t be measured by the sorts of relationships you’re having (or not having).

Simply consider what number of A-holes you recognize in your life who’re with superior companions. And consider what number of superior individuals there who’re with a-holes or who’re single.

You see, even should you’re the prettiest, smartest, and kindest individual on earth if a person doesn’t need to decide to you, he simply received’t.

However even should you’re the “ugliest duckling” if a person is prepared to commit, he’ll!

So learn this record with out considering there’s an issue with YOU.

As an alternative, learn it as your fundamental information to how males tick so you may get the outcomes you need.

15 doable causes he retains coming again however received’t commit

1) He’s simply not that into you.

Usually, males aren’t evil. Sure, there are a number of who’re intentionally on the market to interrupt the hearts of ladies, however they’re not the bulk.

Opposite to fashionable perception, most of them have good intentions.

One of many high causes some males preserve coming again is that they’re really involved in a lady. And but, their emotions are usually not sturdy sufficient or they’re not but prepared (or every other legit purpose) for them to truly commit.

Take notice: He most likely needs to need you so dangerous, and that’s why he retains attempting!

Possibly the connection is simply not sturdy sufficient (but) or he’s skilled a powerful love when he’s youthful and he’s on the lookout for that actual type of love from you. There are one million and one the explanation why a person received’t commit!

However no matter the reason being, he’s most likely coming again to you many times, however with out dangerous intentions.

2) He likes components of you, however not the entire package deal.

Maybe your intercourse is out of this world, however he’s not too keen on your character or perhaps your beliefs conflict.

Maybe he finds you sensible and engaging, but the 2 of you simply don’t have the chemistry he’s on the lookout for.

And thus sure, he’s drawn to you—longing for the issues that he loves essentially the most in you. However then he leaves, as a result of earlier than lengthy, the issues he doesn’t need start to grate at him.

It may not essentially be a complete loss. Maybe he’s attempting to determine if he can love extra of you.

Apart from, who is aware of what the long run has to convey? He would possibly simply understand his emotions for you, or come to just accept all of you as he grows and matures.

Or perhaps the 2 of you’re approaching this the flawed method, and also you’re higher off being mates with advantages as an alternative of companions.

Whereas normally, ladies are extra forgiving of some flaws, males normally often search for the entire package deal earlier than they pursue a lady.

Possibly you’re lacking that one vital field in his guidelines.

3) He’s not able to enter a relationship.

When somebody will not be able to have a relationship, they’d attempt to seize the second however go away once you’re about to develop emotions for them.

Sure, they may very well be head over heels in love with you but when a person will not be prepared, he’ll attempt to keep away as a result of he’s afraid he’ll simply harm you—which is ironic, since he’s already doing so if he’s conscious you’re into him.

He might not be prepared for a lot of causes.

For instance, it may very well be that he thinks he nonetheless has to get his life so as, he’s broke AF, he simply received out of a relationship…the doable causes are countless.

Till he offers with these issues that preserve him from being able to commit, he’ll stay a bachelor.

This man might be idealistic about love and he’d fairly be 100% prepared than to commit solely to alter his thoughts after some time.

4) He’s naturally indecisive.

Possibly he’s prepared and perhaps he’s actually into you however some males simply take a lifetime to make life choices.

Typically there’s a deeper purpose for it—like his mother and father have been too strict rising up—or it may very well be that he’s simply born that method.

Take note of how briskly or gradual he makes choices in easy issues similar to which restaurant to go to or which model of shampoo to purchase.

However greater than that, take note of his relationship historical past and what number of girlfriends he had. If he solely has a number of, perhaps he actually does take his time to decide on a life associate.

Whereas this may increasingly look like a nasty factor on the floor (particularly should you’re beginning to doubt his intentions), it would truly be an indication that he’s a loyal boyfriend as soon as he’s dedicated.

He took the time to resolve, in spite of everything. And we will assume it is going to additionally take him a very long time to interrupt up with you.

5) He isn’t in a rush.

He’s in no pressing have to get right into a relationship, with you or anybody else.

It may very well be that he thinks of himself as younger—or is younger—and might’t see himself settling for somebody but. He’d fairly take his time…and why not?

It is also particularly with you. And that’s as a result of he thinks you’re all the time simply there and also you received’t be leaving him anytime quickly.

For him, it’s the identical factor as “If it ain’t broke, don’t repair it.”

“If there’s no risk and nobody is sad, why change issues?”

He sees no level in tying himself down and committing to you since he already will get every part that he wants simply by being mates in any case.

And until you voiced out that you simply don’t like this arrange, he wouldn’t suppose he’s doing something flawed.

6) He has different priorities in life proper now.


There are males who are usually not glad with being good, they need to be nice!

Possibly he’s an formidable man—maybe he needs to be the subsequent Steve Jobs or the subsequent Rafael Nadal. In that case, he’ll all the time use his mind over his coronary heart it doesn’t matter what.

What’s occurring when he goes close to you is that he’s following his coronary heart, and when he’s about to fall a lot deeper, he makes use of his mind as a result of for him, it’s the one method he can pursue his desires. And that’s why he leaves.

If he’s this sort of man, ask your self should you’re prepared to attend.

He might not need to be in a relationship with you as a result of he is aware of you and his profession will undergo should you get collectively now.

However perhaps in 5 years or a decade, maybe?

Or perhaps you’re prepared to commit even should you received’t be his high precedence. If so, then you definately most likely ought to inform him. It would simply be what he’s ready for.

7) He simply really enjoys hanging out with you.

Whether or not or not there’s a romantic connection between the 2 of you, the man positively likes hanging out with you.

It’s doable that he sees you as only a good good friend—and sure, that applies even when the 2 of you’ve gotten intercourse. There’s this idea known as being “mates with advantages” in spite of everything.

And since he thinks of the 2 of you as mates, he most likely doesn’t even understand the impact he has on you, a lot much less his coming and going.

He most likely doesn’t even consider it as him coming and going into your life, as a result of so far as he’s involved, he by no means left!

8) His emotions for you’re inactive.

That’s proper.

You would possibly go “wait, what? Emotions could be activated?”

And the reply is DEFINITELY.

His emotions for it’s possible you’ll be dormant, or perhaps he’s not conscious they’re even there.

The excellent news is you can simply activate a person’s want for you.

As relationship and relationship coach Clayton Max says, “It’s not about checking all of the packing containers on a person’s record of what makes his ‘excellent lady’. A girl can’t “persuade” a person to need to be together with her”.

As an alternative, males select ladies who they’re infatuated with. These ladies fire up a way of pleasure and want to chase them by what they are saying of their texts.

Need a number of easy tricks to be this lady?

Then watch Clayton Max’s fast video right here the place he reveals you how one can make a person infatuated with you (it’s simpler than you most likely suppose).

Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep inside the male mind. And though it sounds loopy, there are a mixture of phrases you’ll be able to say to generate emotions of red-hot ardour for you.

To be taught precisely what these texts are, watch Clayton’s wonderful video now.

9) He likes his ego stroked.

He’s conscious that you simply like him so he goes to you each time he likes a little bit ego increase—a meager smattering of reward to provide him the reassurance he wants.

Possibly he doesn’t take care of you personally, and there’s one other lady he needs. However he simply received dumped and is down, so he runs to you along with his tail between his legs.

You’re a handy individual to rebound with. However as soon as he’s recovered, he’d go away to go date another person.

There’s little question, in fact, that if he makes use of you want this understanding that you’ve got emotions for him, he’s a jerk.

He most likely is aware of that everytime he involves you, he stirs feelings that you simply’ve been attempting to tame. However he doesn’t care—he solely cares about himself.

If he’s not conscious that he’s hurting you by doing this, then you need to inform him and work in your vanity points.

10)  He’s having fun with the relationship world.

Maybe he’s a wallflower who solely just lately got here out of his shell. The relationship world is new and thrilling to him, so he goes round assembly as many new individuals as he can.

You’re his favourite, so he retains coming again to you. However he’s not able to settle with you simply but, so he leaves from time to time to fulfill another person.

There’s just about nothing you are able to do a few man who’s nonetheless attempting to discover.

He’s nonetheless attempting to determine what he needs. And for all you recognize, maybe he thinks of himself as younger, wild, and endlessly free.

Phrase of recommendation: Don’t strive manipulating him to accept you earlier than he’s prepared.

He would possibly simply understand he made the flawed alternative afterward, really feel suffocated, and attempt to get out of the connection for actual.

And even when he might need chosen you in any case, he would possibly resent that you simply pressured him to choose.

Give him extra time to discover, however keep in mind that you don’t have to stay a doormat to his indecisiveness—make it clear you can’t wait, and that if somebody higher comes alongside you’ll fortunately go together with them as an alternative.

11) He’s truly in love with another person.

Typically individuals simply fairly can’t recover from that one person who received away.

He would possibly attempt to transfer on and date you. However deep down inside he simply couldn’t discover that spark that he cherished in that different individual.

Maybe he might need already informed you about this different lady, and informed you the struggles he has with getting over her. However you blocked it out of your coronary heart since you actually like him.

Or maybe he by no means informed you instantly, but it surely’s clear sufficient from his pensive appears and unease that he has another person on his thoughts.

He would go away, considering that you simply don’t need to be with somebody who doesn’t love you with all his coronary heart—after which come again, as a result of he’s already hooked up to you.

If you’re nonetheless prepared to be with him, the reply to getting him to remain for actual is to make him love you over that different lady who’s in all chance out of his attain now.

The factor is, all of us need what we will’t have so the desirability of his “fantasy lady” of his will all the time be greater in comparison with the real-life, easy-access you…till he grows up and heals for actual.

12) He’s afraid of getting harm.

Possibly he was burnt from his final relationship or he’s so in love with you he is aware of you’re able to hurting him…and this scares him like a mouse being cornered by a lion.

In fact, who isn’t afraid of getting harm?

Even the bravest of us really feel a little bit trepidation on the very concept. However on the similar time, it’s admittedly a poor excuse for him coming and going as usually as he does.

You could know this angle by one other identify—cowardice.

On the brilliant aspect, it’s not that dangerous. In the event you might handle to snap him out of his fears and reassure him, then perhaps you’ll be able to lastly be collectively.

Steps to do if you need him again

1) Initially—make him really feel it’s higher to be with you than to be single.

Most males are unnecessarily sophisticated after they take into consideration dedication.

What makes them need to commit is understanding that their life will likely be higher—a lot, a lot better— with you in it.

And the way do they know this?

In line with relationship professional Carlos Cavallo, what males really need is to really feel like they’ve discovered the proper lady for them. Somebody that’s so value it that they wouldn’t go away her for the world.

In the event you’re a lady, you’d need to know the way to do that precisely.

Good factor Carlos made a video that reveals you precisely how one can make a person really feel like he’s a winner when he has you.

You’ll be taught a number of easy and real issues you are able to do proper now to cease him from enjoying round and decide to you for actual.

Test it out right here.

2) Be really sincere with what you’re feeling.

You’re well past relationship at this level.

If he’s been coming again to you many instances, perhaps you’re longtime mates, exes, or mates with advantages.

And due to this, you SHOULD have the ability to inform him every part that you simply really feel.

If this makes you uncomfortable, then discover the braveness to be weak. It’s not simple but it surely’s the one method to go if you wish to advocate for your self and switch your life round.

You don’t need to act all chill simply to maintain him round. Being “good” has gotten you nowhere.

You’re clearly not pleased with crumbs, so don’t faux you’re!

How you can do it

1) Do some introspection.

Ask your self the way you really really feel in regards to the scenario. Write every part down on a chunk of paper and ask your self if it appears okay. Ask your self should you actually need him otherwise you simply need a relationship.

Lastly, write down the traits you need in a boyfriend. Does he really have these traits otherwise you’re simply blinded by the fervour?

2) Have an sincere discuss.

When you’re extra conscious of your self and your emotions, discuss to him. Don’t really feel such as you’re being “loopy” or that you simply’re asking an excessive amount of.

This man has been coming out and in of your life and also you need to have an sincere discuss with him.

3) There needs to be a ticking bomb.

Set a deadline, put an ultimatum, let him know you’ll not dangle round endlessly.

In spite of everything, if he’s going to be losing your time by enjoying with you, you would possibly as effectively go and date somebody much less problematic as an alternative.

Certain, you would wait. And perhaps he’ll sensible up and begin placing in actual effort… however how outdated would you be by then? 75?

No one can wait round endlessly.

And no matter his causes, it’s egocentric for him (and unwise of you) to maintain extending the non-relationship that you simply each have.


There’s no denying that it’s irritating to have a person play hen with you.

It’s wonderful to be outraged—in spite of everything, it’s nearly like he’s simply attempting to maintain you hooked on him!

We’ve explored the various the explanation why he is perhaps led to behave this fashion, however simply because he might need a very good purpose, doesn’t imply YOU ought to settle for being handled this fashion.

Suppose initially about your self, and what you need.

In the event you now not like the best way he makes you’re feeling, it’s time so that you can set boundaries and provides him a agency “no” the subsequent time he comes again.

However should you do nonetheless need him and also you’re hopeful you’ll be collectively sooner or later, then you must positively take steps to convey an finish to his indecisiveness.

There are lots of methods you are able to do this, and once more, I like to recommend relationship professional Carlos Carvallo.

He can information you on the precise steps on how one can win your man.

You possibly can try his video right here.

Can a relationship coach make it easier to too?

If you need particular recommendation in your scenario, it may be very useful to talk to a relationship coach.

I do know this from private expertise…

A number of months in the past, I reached out to Relationship Hero once I was going via a tricky patch in my relationship. After being misplaced in my ideas for thus lengthy, they gave me a novel perception into the dynamics of my relationship and how one can get it again on observe.

In the event you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero earlier than, it’s a website the place extremely skilled relationship coaches assist individuals via sophisticated and tough love conditions.

In just some minutes you’ll be able to join with a licensed relationship coach and get tailored recommendation in your scenario.

I used to be blown away by how sort, empathetic, and genuinely useful my coach was.

Click on right here to get began.

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