10 reasons you can’t stop thinking about your ex (and what to do now)

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After my final relationship ended, I spent months obsessing over my ex. He was continually on my thoughts.

I realized that that is regular – particularly for {couples} who had been collectively for a very long time or shared an intense connection.

However while it could be a pure response to shedding somebody so particular to you, it’s additionally unhealthy to dwell on the previous. Listed here are just a few key the reason why you may’t cease eager about your ex, and importantly, find out how to transfer on!

Why you may’t cease eager about your ex:

1) You’re in denial

Your relationship is over, however you haven’t accepted it. You’re certain that issues will flip round and also you’ll get again together with your ex.

Sorry to burst your bubble, however generally “over” actually means it’s over.

However I get it, if you’re in denial about one thing, it performs in your thoughts. It’s not simple to modify off from what was in all probability a significant relationship after which a hurtful breakup.

In circumstances like this, it’s often the one who was dumped who refuses to just accept the breakup. Generally, the ache and shock could be so intense that it’s really simple to keep away from going through it.

However this isn’t going that will help you, nor will it lead you to getting your ex again.

So, what are you able to do?

Cease taking part in this recreation with your self. You’re making it tougher to maneuver on, and while I sympathize with how you are feeling (I used to be actually in denial in the beginning of my breakup), a little bit of robust love is required proper now!

That’s why you should encompass your self with good individuals. Family and friends that’ll provide you with a shoulder to cry on, however will encourage you to face actuality.

It’s additionally necessary to hearken to your feelings and intestine feeling. In your thoughts, you’re saying that it’s probably not over. However the ache in your coronary heart and the sinking feeling in your abdomen verify the fact:

It’s time to maneuver on.

2) You’re indignant

And perhaps rightly so!

In case your ex pissed you off and also you see crimson everytime you consider them, it’s no marvel they’re in your thoughts.

Perhaps you need revenge?

Perhaps you wish to perceive why they did what they did when you had been collectively/in the course of the breakup?

No matter it’s, it’s angered you adequate to take over and it’s time to do one thing about it!

I went via plenty of anger when my ex left me. He did it in a shitty means after which acted like he did nothing mistaken.

It took some time for my anger to simmer down, however as soon as it did it was a lot simpler to maneuver on and cease eager about him.

So, what are you able to do?

Once I lastly had sufficient of feeling crappy and eager about him on a regular basis, I requested myself this:

  • Will my anger enhance the scenario? I.e, will it make him notice his fault in all this?
  • Who’s my anger actually hurting?

The solutions are as follows…

No – my anger won’t change the scenario. He knew I used to be mad at him, but when somebody lacks respect for you then they’re unlikely to care about your emotions anyway.

Who’s my anger actually hurting? ME.

It doesn’t change his life. It doesn’t preserve him awake at evening. It actually didn’t cease him entering into a brand new relationship.

So it was at that time I made the energetic determination to let go. I used to be by no means going to get the apology I believed I deserved, however relatively than wait round stewing in bitterness, I made a decision to begin dwelling my life once more.

And you are able to do this too.

Each time you begin to really feel that acquainted rise of anger effervescent up, ask your self the 2 questions above. Finally, you’ll notice it isn’t value your time or power.

3) You need them again

It’s very doable that the explanation you may’t cease eager about your ex is since you love them, miss them, and wish them again for good.

Right here’s the factor…

If you happen to broke up as a result of the timing wasn’t proper, an absence of communication, or exterior conditions taking part in an element, there’s probability you can get again collectively.

However when you broke up since you had been poisonous for one another, or as a result of one or each you critically damage one another, it is best to contemplate attempting to maneuver on.

It’s the unhappy reality that while we might love sure individuals in our lifetimes, it doesn’t all the time imply they’re good for us.

So think twice about this, and whether or not you may realistically create a more healthy relationship the second time round.

So, what are you able to do?

Nicely, when you do really need your ex again, it’s a must to create a complete new relationship.

Don’t attempt to make all the pieces “the way it was earlier than”, as a result of the way it was earlier than didn’t work out.

On this scenario, there’s just one factor to do – re-spark their romantic curiosity in you. Begin afresh, make them see how they used to if you first began courting.

I realized about this from Brad Browning, who has helped 1000’s of women and men get their exes again. He goes by the moniker of “the connection geek”, for good cause.

On this free video, he’ll present you precisely what you are able to do to make your ex need you once more.

It doesn’t matter what your scenario is — or how badly you’ve tousled because the two of you broke up — he’ll provide you with quite a lot of helpful suggestions that you could apply instantly.

Right here’s a hyperlink to his free video once more. If you happen to really need your ex again, this video will aid you do that.

4) You’ve bought unfinished enterprise

One more reason you may’t cease eager about your ex could possibly be that your lives had been closely entwined and now you’ve bought unfinished enterprise.

For instance:

  • You’ve got children collectively. You’ll be able to’t simply stroll away and by no means communicate to your ex once more. You’ve bought custody agreements, education, and extra to debate.
  • You’ve bought shared belongings like a property or automotive collectively.
  • You had future plans organized, even one thing seemingly small like attending your cousin’s marriage ceremony subsequent month and he/she was your plus one.
  • You’ve bought excellent cash points, i.e, one owes the opposite and the debt hasn’t been settled

There are tons of causes you may need unfinished enterprise together with your ex. However this can be a fairly widespread cause as to why you may’t cease eager about them – you wish to get issues resolved earlier than shifting on.

So, what are you able to do?

Get sensible!

If you happen to’ve been avoiding going through your ex to kind these things out, you’ve bought to assemble your internal braveness and simply face the difficulty head-on.

If it’s one thing that you just bodily can resolve, i.e, cash points, attain out amicably and see what the 2 of you may work out.

Chances are you’ll notice that after you resolve these points, your thoughts begins to concentrate on different issues relatively than simply in your ex.

5) You’ve not minimize them out of your life but

If you happen to’re nonetheless in contact together with your ex, it’s in all probability not serving to you get them off your thoughts.

This consists of:

  • Having them on social media
  • Texting/cellphone calls
  • Assembly up (alone or with others)

Now, I get it. When you’ve got a cause to be in contact with them (i.e, you’ve bought children collectively) there’s not a lot you are able to do besides restrict the quantity of contact you’ve got with them.

However when you’re nonetheless in contact since you’re attempting to be buddies and even buddies with advantages, it’s not going that will help you transfer on.

Granted, some exes can grow to be buddies finally, however there must be some respiratory area after a breakup.


Since you want time to course of what has occurred.

If you happen to’re continually seeing your ex’s face plastered over Instagram or their identify lighting up your cellphone, it’ll cease you from reflecting on the connection and dealing via this huge life change.

So, what are you able to do?

This one is fairly self-explanatory – cease all pointless contact!

I do know that is simpler mentioned than achieved. Belief me, I struggled with this rather a lot.

However it actually might be a defining second in getting over your ex.

So, take away them from social media. Politely decline assembly up or speaking on the cellphone.

Clarify that you just want a while to assemble your ideas and feelings, and allow them to know you’ll be in contact if you’re prepared.

And don’t let your self slip up in a second of loneliness. Be sure to’ve bought loads to maintain your self occupied with, and if wants be, take away their quantity out of your cellphone.

I had to do that (in any other case he was more likely to obtain a 3 am tipsy textual content from me)…so I saved his quantity in a notepad in my automotive which meant it wasn’t accessible once I was feeling blue in mattress or out on the dancefloor lacking him.

6) You’re nonetheless damage

This one is totally comprehensible.

You’ll be able to’t cease eager about your ex as a result of they damage you tremendously.

It’s solely pure they’re in your thoughts. You’re attempting to work out why somebody you really liked, trusted, and cared for would do that to you.

This may be very true in the event that they did one thing dodgy out of the blue, comparable to dishonest on you.

The shock could be simply as devastating because the damage.

So, what are you able to do?

Sadly, there’s nobody factor you are able to do to hurry up getting over being damage by somebody. You want time and many self-love and care.

Don’t rush your therapeutic. Don’t give your self a time restrict (though when you’re hitting the 1-year mark and you continue to can’t get them off your thoughts, it is perhaps value chatting with an expert therapist).

Therapeutic is completely different for everybody, however you can begin by doing the next:

  • Spend time together with your family members. Encompass your self with constructive and uplifting individuals and keep away from these which are carefully linked to your ex
  • Spend time with your self. Take your self out procuring, and get your self a recent haircut or trim. Deal with your self to one thing you’ve all the time wished.
  • Do one thing you’re keen on day by day. Even when it’s as small as permitting your self your favourite chocolate and scrapping the weight loss plan, or watching your favourite movie, do one factor that makes you cheerful each day.
  • Work on your self. Opposite to the final piece of recommendation about chocolate, use this time to feel and appear your finest. Choose up a brand new sport, drink extra water, and get extra sleep. You’ll really feel higher for it.

And bear in mind, you received’t really feel this manner perpetually.

It might look like there’s no gentle on the finish of the tunnel, or that you just’ll by no means love once more, however people have a tremendous quantity of resilience, and you can find your spark as soon as once more (it simply takes time!).

7) You’re nonetheless caught up in “what might have been”

Ahh, the daydreams of “what if”…I do know a factor or two about these!

You continually end up questioning what you guys might have been “if solely”. If solely your ex had tried tougher. If solely you’d spent extra time with them.

It’s simple to look again and marvel what you can have achieved in another way to keep away from breaking apart, however the actuality is, neither of you probably did these issues. You broke up for a cause and in time you’ll in all probability come to understand the breakup because it leads you to raised issues.

However proper now, you’re in reminiscing mode.

Right here’s the factor:

It’s simple to idealize a relationship. Make it sound higher than it really was. Huge up feelings that weren’t actually there.

I discovered myself romanticizing my relationship rather a lot after the breakup. As soon as I bought over the denial and anger, I couldn’t cease imagining what would have occurred if solely I’d achieved issues in another way.

“We weren’t that unhealthy, had been we?”

WRONG. We weren’t proper for one another, however my damaged coronary heart wished me to consider that it was the perfect relationship of my life and the breakup was unhealthy luck, an unlucky flip of occasions.

So, what are you able to do?

Be trustworthy with your self.

Don’t sugarcoat your relationship. Attempt to bear in mind the unhealthy as a lot as the great.

And when you actually can’t discover readability, I’ve bought a suggestion that’s helped me many occasions once I’ve wanted to clear my head and recalibrate my life:

I spoke to somebody from Psychic Supply after going via my breakup. After being misplaced in my ideas for thus lengthy, they gave me a novel perception into the place my life was going, together with who I used to be really meant to be with.

I used to be really blown away by how sort, compassionate and educated they had been.

Not solely did they convey me optimism and hope, however they actually helped me transfer on from my ex.

Click on right here to get your individual love studying.

In a love studying, a gifted advisor can let you know why you may’t cease eager about your ex, and most significantly empower you to make the suitable choices in terms of love.

8) You’re jealous

One more reason you is perhaps struggling to get your ex off your thoughts could possibly be since you’re jealous.

In case your ex has moved on already and bought a brand new companion, this might trigger you to obsess over their newfound love (and probably your lack of a brand new relationship).

It is a robust one – though it’s regular to really feel this manner, jealousy isn’t a fairly emotion.

It causes you to check your self to their new companion, and that’s the very last thing try to be doing.

It might additionally carry up hurtful ideas comparable to, “They by no means did that with me however they’re doing it fortunately with the brand new companion.”

The reality is, you’ll by no means know the ins and outs of their new relationship. Your ex might simply be rebounding.

So, what are you able to do?

When my ex bought into a brand new relationship just a few months after we broke up, I bought mad.

I couldn’t consider in any case his talks of “not eager to be tied down anymore” he’d already arrange home with another person.

So, I made a decision to make it none of my enterprise and go away them to it. I didn’t wish to give him the satisfaction of understanding I used to be bothered by his new relationship.

Each time I felt the necessity to listen in on his profile or enquire about his new girlfriend to a mutual buddy, I reminded myself of each flaw he has.

I pressured myself to consider each annoying behavior, each single damaging factor I might take into consideration him.

And you realize what?

After just a few days of doing this, I really began to pity his new girlfriend!

“She has no thought what she’s bought herself into.” – That grew to become my mantra, and it positively helped me with my jealousy.

Low and behold, they didn’t final lengthy. So, cease eager about your ex’s new companion, and begin focussing on your self as a substitute!

  1. 9) You need closure


You need explanations. You wish to perceive why they did what they did. You’re feeling such as you’re owed a minimum of that a lot, proper?

Nicely, sadly, closure isn’t assured to any of us.

Though it may be useful within the shifting on course of, it doesn’t essentially imply you’ll really feel any higher after receiving it.

And when you sit round ready for it to come back, and even exit and chase it, you’ll probably find yourself hurting your self extra, particularly in case your ex isn’t prepared to take a seat and speak truthfully.

So, what are you able to do?

Discover your individual closure!

You don’t want your ex to find out if you get to maneuver on, solely YOU can decide this.

Remind your self that you’re in charge of your life and feelings.

Don’t give a lot energy to an individual who’s damage you.

Write down your emotions, speak to a liked one, and draw a line underneath conditions you’ll by no means resolve.

All of it begins with you and the way a lot you wish to cease eager about your ex. Simply keep in mind that only a few individuals really obtain the closure they really want, so it’s finest to work on build up your confidence and discovering happiness once more by your self.

10) You’ve got regrets

If you happen to did one thing you remorse to your ex, there’s probability you may’t cease eager about them since you really feel responsible.

Don’t really feel unhealthy about this – it’s really factor. It reveals you’ve got a conscience, that you just acknowledge you made a mistake, and that you just care in regards to the emotions of others.

And right here’s the factor:

Perhaps you didn’t even do something horrible. Perhaps it was one thing hurtful you mentioned, or an important day you forgot. Even the small issues we remorse can play on our minds.

So, what are you able to do?

It’s good to forgive your self. Particularly when you’ve already apologized to your ex. Whether or not they settle for your apology or not, if you realize it was real, then it’s time to let it go.

Torturing your self received’t change the previous. It’ll solely cease you from embracing your future.

So, be sort to your self. Be sure to study out of your mistake, however don’t let it hold over you want a darkish cloud.

And when you by no means apologized to your ex?

Perhaps now’s the time. It could possibly be what units you free and permits you each to maneuver on.

Closing ideas

We’ve coated 10 causes you may’t cease eager about your ex, and I hope you discovered the solutions you had been on the lookout for!

Bear in mind to provide your self time, particularly if the breakup was current. Opposite to the films, most individuals don’t transfer on inside every week, for some it could possibly take many months.

So give your self a break, attempt to concentrate on issues that make you are feeling good, and when the time is true, you’ll get up at some point and notice you haven’t thought of your ex shortly (it’s an awesome feeling!).

However with that in thoughts, when you actually can’t cease eager about your ex and your intestine is telling you that it is best to get again collectively, you’re going to wish a little bit of assist.

And the perfect individual to show to is Brad Browning.

Irrespective of how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments had been, he’s developed a few distinctive strategies to not solely get your ex again however to maintain them for good.

So, when you’re bored with lacking your ex and wish to give the connection a second probability, I’d extremely suggest trying out his unbelievable recommendation.

Right here’s the hyperlink to his free video as soon as once more.

Placing your self first

Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit right here.

What’s your primary aim for the time being?

Is it to purchase that automotive you’ve been saving up for?

To lastly begin that side-hustle that’ll hopefully aid you give up your 9-5 at some point?

Or to take the leap and at last ask your companion to maneuver in?

No matter it’s, you’re not going to get there, until you’ve bought a plan.

And even then…plans fail.

However I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…

No, I’m penning this as a result of I wish to aid you obtain the targets you’ve set.

I’ve lately been participating in a workshop referred to as Life Journal created by trainer and profession coach Jeanette Brown.

Overlaying all of the fundamentals and extra on what’s wanted to achieve your targets, Jeannette tackles all the pieces from creating habits and new conduct patterns to placing your plans into motion.

She doesn’t fiddle – this workshop would require effort in your half however that’s the fantastic thing about it – Jeanette has fastidiously designed it to place YOU within the driving seat of your life.

Click on right here to search out out extra about Life Journal.

So…suppose again to that necessary aim I requested about at first of this message.

How a lot would you like it?

Are you prepared to place the hassle in to get there?

If that’s the case, try the workshop right here.

If you happen to do participate, I’d love to listen to how your Life Journey goes!

All the perfect,

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